Like any friendship, God and I became acquainted rather slowly. I opened up to him little by little; drama by drama; fear by fear; conversation after conversation. It felt weird at first, but in time, I started to trust our talks. Then, I learned that I didn't need to go anywhere to speak to him. Seeking him out to special places was important, it demonstrates interest and devotion in any relationship, but our bond deepened when I realized that he was always with me. I became entirely dependent on our interactions and with that, I started to feel a great deal of peace from the soberness of his presence in my life.
I went to a retreat once that said that most of us are like leaves on a tree, swinging from side to side, completely dependent on the external factors. It was hard to admit it then, but it was very true in my life. I was completely dependent on situations, people, their reactions, etc.
In time, I have felt a sort of shift. I can’t say that I am immune to people or situations, but my foundation is much stronger and when I do end up swaying, I remember where I have to go to get that back.
It’s been a long journey but there is one thing that I have to admit--God has always offered me the same from day 1. The only thing that has changed is my willingness to engage. I have never gotten anything but love.
God and the world are not what need to change. That’s where you are stuck. We must change. We must bend, we must open, we must crack. We must let him in, we must decrease, and we must open up the space for him to do his work in us.