I moved to New York City right after college for all the typical reasons: I didn’t want to spend my entry level years in a third world country, I wanted to travel, and I wanted to make something of myself. As I wrapped up my collegiate education, I began to feel the anxiety of adult life.
What was I going to be? What kind of life was I going to build?
At first, I was young enough to have these questions motivate me, but as the years unfolded, the once sweet taste of adrenaline turned bitter. Life turned into numbers, titles, and committed plans. I began to worry often about the future. I wanted to achieve so much, but I always felt behind.
It was fall of 2011, I was asked into the conference room of the hedge fund that I’d been working for over a year. I placed my bag under the desk and took my just-bought coffee into the meeting. As they started to speak, silence fell over me. Both of my managers were explaining the decision to restructure our team, but I felt an odd sense of peace that muted the insignificance of it all. I smiled, got up, thanked them and went for my purse.
As I walked out of the office and into the crisp fall air, I felt free. My worst fear had become a reality but for some reason, I was happy. As if I’d been pulled out of the wrong room and placed into the right one.
On my way home, I came up to a small church on Park Avenue before crossing East to my apartment. There I was: no direction, no title, and no income. But oddly enough, though rooted in what had once considered a nightmare, I felt aligned with the universe that morning.
I sat there and returned to the silence that I’d experience earlier that morning. After about an hour, I got hungry and made my way out.
For just a moment, I felt strangely detached from the anxieties of the human experience. I didn’t know it then, but I had stumbled upon the faith that God would continue to provide despite over the next few years.
When I got home, I pulled out a notebook and a pen and began to write down the things that were continually enriching my life without any kind of emotional hangover. God, writing, and prayer were among the things I mentioned, and with that, a new journey began.